Almost everything that happened on Friday

OMG!!!!! I've gained so much weight!!!!!!! Dunno how much but I'm starting to see my fats spilling out!! Eeek!!! Can you believe it???? I mean, have you ever heard me complaining about getting fat? All I ever did throughout my life was complain how thin I am. How scrawny I am. How I lost so much weight after I start college and lived away from my parents. But now, and for the next 6 months, I'll be having a friggin' good life; with good food and seriously healthier food. Even if I'm at home with my parents, they don't cook and eat so much compared to who I'm staying with now :P I mean that's cos my parents are aged la. So they have smaller appetites and lower metabolism.

Speaking of metabolism, I'm asked to cut down on my food intake as my fats are really spilling out (like omg..I've seriously never seen fats in me before). Even my mom told me I look as if I have a spare tyre when I wear a tight fitting shirt. Shiet! She said like got "three-layers of meat". Depressing!!!

So I've been given lots of health food and drink from his aunt. Says can help clear my acne problems, my complexion, bla bla bla. Hopefully ler. My constipation problem is finally gone. Officially...I dunno yet. But for the time being, it's good. Daily visits to the toilet. Haha...should celebrate. LOL. Well, thanks to the aloe vera drink his aunt gave me. Have to drink daily. Health drinks taste really bad btw.Now, I have to take some shake which apparently helped her to lose weight (but that's not why I'm taking it) and helped others to gain some weight. I'm taking it cos apparently it improved her skin complexion. *shrugs*

I still have tang kuei and pak fung tablets that I have yet to finish. See how healthy they are? :P But those are for my other health problems. Supplement pills. Not medicine. Well, not really medicine. Heheh. Whatever. Speaking of the pak fung pills, I haven't taken it cos it freaked me out with tis packaging. It's packed like po chai pills; like hundreds of small black pills in sachet, except, this sachet is bigger than the po chai pills' tube. Freaky. I hate pills btw. Bought a freaking expensive medicine the other day I had gastric. 20 bux for 10 tablets!! Well, expensive for me cos the only medicine I've ever bought by myself is polaramin-2 bux for 10 pills. Haha..

Rachel is so...sigh. Dunno la. As what I have told Woon before, such an adorable kid can turn into such a menace :P Just last night, she had a long nap in the afternoon so she was very active and energetic at night. It was past her bedtime but she still wanted to play. Even her maid, Lisa, was so tired and Rachel was being sooo stubborn. Sigh. Quite naughty actually. Haha. Has a habit of blowing her nose into the air anytime, wants her way in anything, talks a lot, which is cute sometimes and really annoying at other times. Oh, and she sat on my face when I was playing with her last nite. Grrr....'-_- I let her sit on my stomach while I lie down and then she became super playful and decided to move forward. ....

Anyway, I was saying she didn't want to sleep last night. She said she wanted to sleep with me so everyone went to bed. When Lisa turned off the lights in my room in order to make her sleep, she merajuk and started screaming and shouting and running out of the room and all...haiyoh.... I also dunno what to do la. Later Lisa told me just leave her alone. Then the mother came out and told Lisa to leave her alone as well. I went back to my room thinking probably Lisa took her into her room as it was quiet already. But shortly after that, I heard her calling me. "Juliaaaaa...Juliaaaaa!!!" Then she came into my room, holding a stack of books (she loves reading but she doesn't know how to. So she's always asking other people to read for her, which, at times, is annoying), obviously wanting me to read to her again. But the mother came in and asked her to go to her room. Then she finally gave in. Sigh...

But sometimes she's really cute la. She covered the 2 of us and said "Shh...we cover with blanket..Don't let Auntie Lisa find us ok?" Hehe...then after a few seconds, she would sit up and point to my right saying "Look!! The prince is killing the dragon ar!! The dragon so big ar!! Got fire come out from the mouth ar!! Prince Phillip killing the dragon..then after the dragon die, the prince will come and kiss the princess...I'm the princess. Prince Phillip will come and kiss me. You are the queen, ok?" Lol. She'll continue to hide under the blanket, and after another few seconds, she would sit up and shout about the prince again. Hehe.

I tried so many ways to make her sleep, including playing a game of see-who-closes-her-eyes-longer, hoping she would fall asleep. But she open her eyes so quickly!! And then tell me "I don't want to play this game ar. Cos I dunno how to play." '-_- I was so out of idea. Not to mention I was tired as well. Oh but the sweet thing was, she kissed me last night. Haha...So cute. Then when she got angry with me, she would say, "I don't like you ar. I don't want to talk to you ar. I don't love you ar." But she'll keep talking anyway. Haha.

She'll grow up to be a pretty girl. Pretty, spoilt, and high-class girl :P

Went through another night with Woon after Rachel went to bed. This time, he cried. And it hurt me deeply. I can still remember the exact words of some things he said. Some were hurtful, some made me feel guilty, which I'm not denying that I was at fault too. But well, actually, in short, I just want to be the queen of his heart. I want to sit on that throne that was once sat by some other people. And I don't want these people to stay in his heart. Don't start telling me that they have different status and all. I want to replace these people. I want them all out. I'm sure every other girl would feel the same way too.

I've never care about gifts or anything much in material. Nor I have ever thought about it throughout this relationship; or dreamt about before this relationship. But the fact stays that you have done it impressively for other girls. So how come I don't see it happening to me as well? Well, yea, I guess I have to live with the thing that is 'it doesn't mean I hadn't anything sepcial for you just because I have done something different for you'. I'm sorry I never looked at it that way. Just that when you used to tell me all those impressive things you have done for other girls I wanted it to happen on me too. I want to experience that too-from you. I waited, but nothing happened. I got disappointed. And it took me quite some time and guts to mention it to you. Cos I didn't want to make myself looked as if I am materialistic. Because I don't want to be. I have never wished for a rich boyfriend. Nor I have ever thought my boyfriend would be responsible to pay for everything (or most) I buy and eat. I even felt weird when Eric paid for my magazine the first time. I just wanted to feel loved and given a lot of attention, and maybe experiencing some fairytale dreams.

I guess I acted the way I did is not because I take you as my boyfriend so that I'd get gifts and all, but because I love you so much that I feel intimidated by other girls who has been in your life, as I am, on the other hand, very inconfident of myself. I want to be everything you have seen and felt in every other girl, but better. I want to be treated like how you have treated them, but better. I want you to see me as someone who has no comparison over any other girl. I want to feel all these, without saying any words.

I'm not saying that you haven't done anything for me. You have done a lot. Sometimes I'm too blind to see it. But my point is to explain myself why I was acting like that lately (or maybe even before this. *shrugs*). Sigh, I don't want to become a controlling girlfriend. I want to be understanding. But I don't think I'm doing a good job on that.

Omg...I dunno what to think anymore. Can someone help me?