Luarani (1976 - 2005)

January 28th, 2005 - 1645hrs
Got a return call from my former manager, Kumar,with an 'anyway' news. "Lua's in a very critical condition now and the doctors gave her about 2 more weeks to live. We're all going to the hospital to visit her later. Do you wanna come along?"

When I heard 2 weeks, I almost couldn't believe my ears. Two weeks? Wasn't it only a minor surgery in the first place and a diabetes detection after that? Why suddenly two weeks and so critical? It was only a growth at first which was thought to be an early detection of cancer. I soon learned that it was as simple as that.

As soon as I entered her room with my other collegues, the first thing I noticed was her size. She was so small compared to how she had always been. I was like, "Gasp, oh my gosh." I was definitely shocked. Shocked about everything. Shocked about her sickness. Shocked about the doctor's darn prediction. Shocked about the way she looked. I know it's normal for cancer patients but I just never expected her to be in such a condition.

She was lying down on her stomach, breathing in oxygen from a mask, while complaining about the pain and nausea she was suffering from. I had imagined myself walking to her and would call her 'tengga' the minute I see her, because that's how she usually calls me. And then I thought I would make her laugh and everything because that's how she usually is. She was always cheerful, smiling, teasing and being teased all the time. The minute I saw her groaning face down, I felt helpless. Standing at one side of the bed, behind one of my collegues comforting and talking to her, I just didn't know what else I could do, or what to say to her. "I'm sorry for not coming to visit you all this while"? "because I was busy during my 3-month summer break"?

But I talked to her anyway. Choked with tiny sobs, I only managed to say "Hey..." Her husband rubbed her back everytime she complained about the nausea. I looked at the husband who appeared to be very calmed, protective, and comforting, and the whole scene reminded me of Heng Woon; who once said he wouldn't bear to see me lying sick in the hospital like that. At that point I just thought, what if she's really going? How would the husband feel? What would he do and what would happen to him?

After some time, I went over and tried to talk to her again. I know she can't reply much. Or at all. I really didn't know what to say. So I asked a few questions [which is of course not "how are you"] and got a reply from her, "Don't talk....I can't talk...." I just kept saying "You'll be fine kay? You know you will..."

After about 2 whole hours we were there, we finally made the move to leave and come back another day. So everyone said their goodbyes to her. I said to her, "Hey, we're all gonna go now. I'll come back another day ok? I'll bring my friends along and then we'll pray for you, alright? You have to be strong ok? Just keep being strong ok? You'll be ok. Alright? I love you..."

Those 3 words - she had said them to me a million times before, but I never replied or did anything with it. I just giggled them off. Although I know she meant them, and I felt the same way.


January 29th, 2005 - 1218hrs
Got a SMS from Kumar that said "Lua passed away at 4am this morning. Funeral will be held tomorrow." I didn't cry instantly. Instead, the first person I called was my youth pastor, Joshua, whom I had called the night before to support in prayer. And whom by the way, has met her once. As I tried to break the news to him, the tears and sobs started. That was when I really cried. Until now. Whenever I think of her.

She was a friend, a big sister, and a good mom in the making. She loved kids and has a great passion for music. Although she wasn't blessed with any child, she was certainly blessed with a very good voice. A voice so good, that I was taken aback the first time I heard her sing. A voice I would never be able to hear again. And a big sister, which I would never be able to laugh about and laugh with again.