342: STRESS

I'm feeling very frustrated right now. Stressed and frustrated. So stressed that my period came 5 days earlier. That's rare; and how stressed I actually am.

For the past 2 weeks, I've been living every day without knowing what will happen in the near future, without knowing how to plan. At. All. When asked about my plans for the future, I have no answer. Not because I'm not planning. But because I can't plan. I have no friggin' idea at all.

I've been in a similar situation before back in KL. But things were easier back then, looking back now. Opportunities were more plentiful, I had more advantages and I had more connections. But it doesn't mean that I made a mistake by coming here. Things might not be clear right now and this whole coming to Finland thing might turn out to be a catastrophe, or otherwise. Only God knows. Bottom line is, I need this experience.

Some of the days I feel like crying. Some days I actually cried. Some days I couldn't sleep. Most days I have weird dreams; maybe I've been thinking too much. One day I even lost the car key. But thank God for honest and reliable Finns as it was submitted to the local police office. No change of locks needed. No car has been stolen.

I've never felt so rejected in my life before. I know it's not the worst compared to others, but I'm only comparing to my own life now.

I don't believe this is the end of my story. It can't be so abrupt, or can it? It should be more, it should last longer. It shouldn't end here.