329: Life is a rollercoaster ride

I know I haven't been writing anything here for more than a month now. De-motivation might just be an excuse. Definitely not busy, although there were times I was actually busy, but there were also times when I had lots of me-time, which I took to fill with watching movies in my room.

At the moment, I'm writing on 3 different blogs - here, NDH, and Project Wear and Tear organised by NDH. In a typical week, I get about 4 - 5 nights when I don't feel too tired or much like a potato. I try to squeeze in things to do during my me-times. That is, to write in one of the 3 blogs (Proj. W&T is supposedly a must every week but I'm quite a failure at that), read stuff on the internet (sometimes random stuff, other blogs, sometimes news), look for jobs in every portal there is out there, compose different application letters to potential employers (which most of the time take a while), at the same time catch up with friends online and of course, watching some movies. There should be more things I've done and want to do but until I can recall, these are some of them. And which is hard to squeeze everything within the week, where each night is only about 3-4hours long.

Oh, well. It's coming to a year I've been here in Finland. It has been over 9 months now. If I had gotten pregnant, I would've given birth by now. But that's not the point. I want to stay in Finland for a longer time, and in order to do so, I need to get a job so I can apply for a work permit that would allow me to stay. I know I should start job hunting 6 months before my year ends. And I did; starting from December, 6 months after I've been here. Unfortunately, my residence permit ends earlier than my contract with my host family. Well, I arrived later as well. Damn red tape.

Nevermind, it's a long story. Thing was, I had to extend my permit in February (hoping it would grant me until May). And because of my carelessness, it expired earlier than I thought it would. So I was 2 days late in submitting my forms. I had to submit a new application all over again. Thankfully, not paying as much as I had paid back in KL. 80€ lesser. Still, it was a hefty fee. In the end, I got my new permit (on Wednesday), but sadly, it will expire on the 19th of April. 120€ for one month extra time. Not worth it. But at least, it's better than nothing.

Another thing was, I was hoping to get a job before I had to submit for an extension so I would avoid paying 120€ twice. That didn't come. And at that point, I've been hunting for 3 months, attended 6 interviews and sent out probably between 15-20 applications for various jobs. So when I got the new permit (and after living for 2 weeks without knowing what the future holds for me), knowing that I've only got 1 more month to be legally living here, I was crushed. Honestly, I wasn't feeling very positive.

I gave myself a deadline that I should get a job before the summer starts because by then, everyone will be on vacation and no one will be hiring, if not most. I had wanted this new permit to end according to my contract, which is at the end of May, so I would have time right before summer starts. It'll be my safety net. But now, I'm kinda left hanging. What will happen after the 19th of April if I don't get a job? Should I be exiting Schengen countries and re-enter so I can have 3 more months? I can do that, but I can't be an au pair for the family anymore because you're not supposed to work as a visitor. And if I do, I'd be cut off from having an income. I can't afford that. Moreover, there could be a chance that it would be a more complicated process if I should apply for a work permit while on a visitor's status. Argh, damn red tape.

Anyway, so yea, that's what I've been doing all these while, if anyone has been wondering. Some days I'm stressed, some days I'm not. Some days I feel so stressed that I get bad skin and breakouts as though my period's gonna come 2 weeks earlier. Other days when I'm not, I can afford to sleep early, have a good rest and wake up at 7am the next morning. My mom texted me recently to tell me one of my cousins passed away due to brain haemorrhage. Apparently, it was because of stress and pressure and she told me to look after myself and to pray more for His guidance and care. I took it lightly as I didn't think I would be that stressed. The next day, I got my new permit, I haven't found a job, I have no idea what's going to happen next, and I felt the pressure and stress building. I take my words and thoughts back. Life is fragile. My cousin was only 37 years old.

On the lighter side, Helmi's a very cute girl. She and Eliel just turned 9 three weeks ago. Recently, she's always asking me, 'Julie! Are you happyyy?' Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no, sometimes I say maybe, sometimes I give a rant. And her next question would be, 'Whyyy?' Yesterday, she asked me, 'Julie! Are you going to stay in Finland?' I said to her, 'Well, I can't stay in Finland if I don't get a job.' And she went, 'I'm gonna get you a joooobb!' (in a comical deep voice). I laughed and said, 'How are you going to get me a job?' And guess what she did? She showed me her puppy eyes! Omg that made me laugh so hard. Later that night, we had the same conversation again and at one point she said, 'Why no one give you a job? Because they dunno you're so gooood?' Hahaha...yes, baby, they don't :P