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I think it's important to blog frequently cos your mood might change in a matter of days (and sometimes overnight) when you have different thoughts or when circumstances suddenly change.

Like now.

I had so much to say during the days leading up to Christmas and New Year's: my first interview here and Debbie arriving on the same day, preparing for Christmas Eve dinner, walking in an empty city on Christmas Day, driving over 800km to Ruka, Kuusamo with the host family for a ski trip (and more stories from this trip), New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

Debbie and I took a small trip to Stockholm after New Year's Day and while sailing back, I suddenly felt heavy hearted for some reason. Maybe because it suddenly hit me that it was already the 4th of Jan and I still do not know answers to what I'm going to do next or how I'm going to stay here in Finland. Maybe because it was some matters of the heart. Maybe because Debbie was leaving in 2 days time and I won't have someone to talk to through the middle of the night anymore. It was a mixed of every feeling about everything.

But I need to get it out of my chest anyhow. I need to speak out in words, somehow. I need to read (not hear) my own thoughts and then (probably) analyse it or something. I need to have a clear head. I need to speak. I need to talk. My friends are in a different time zone. I'll spill it out here if I have to. I hate to be alone. I fear being alone. I hate it when I don't get new e-mails or new notifications in Facebook. I hate it that my phone, MSN and all other IMs of mine are so quiet now. I do not seek for attention. I just need communication and connections. With real people.