You know

I've tried reasoning with you saying I know you're not hitting on him and it's not that I'm mad about what happened. But I got no reply from you, even when I sent another text asking if we could talk. Fine.

That, got me mad.

Why?

Because, I'm your friend, and he's someone that matters to me. You know that. You know it very clearly what history we made and how we are trying to patch things up. You had to invite him to a gig you are going to watch, fine. Nothing's wrong with that. He wanted to bring me along, fine. But I can't make it. Knowing that you intendedly did not invite me to come along (there's a debatable issue here as well, but I'm not going there), I wouldn't send you a text saying, "I'm sorry I can't make it this Saturday". So I tried to be funny. I sent you a teaser, which I probably shouldn't. I'm sorry for that.

You shot me with those words, I wanted to explain. But I got a call, thus accepting it. The next thing I knew, halfway through the call, I get a call from him, asking me why I was mad at you. Of course I flipped. In the first place, I wasn't even mad at all! What made me mad was the fact that you had to go back and tell him. This is between you and me. Was it really necessary for you to put him in the middle? Ok, fine, maybe you just wanted to know if he really told me (which btw, I don't think you told anyone else so who else could be who told me?) and he called before he answered you just to find out what really happened. But nevermind. That was probably a misunderstanding.

You asked me not to be mad and explained what happened. I told you I wasn't and it shouldn't be a secret to me (just because YOU, who's in this situation, are my friend). Cos it's not right when you have to invite him and EXPECT him not to tell me, keeping it a secret altogether away from me; when you know it well, he and I are still close friends (so there's still a chance that I would know).

You may have your point of not wanting me to think sideways. Fine. You have a point there. But isn't keeping it a secret which equals to doing things behind my back (when especially YOU'RE my friend) would result in a messier situation? Did you think about that? After the first incident, I thought you would know it well what to do in future. But guess you don't. Clearly, you still don't understand whatever I've told you before.

It's not that I forbid the two of you to hang out or to talk to each other (which I got so pissed off cos the two of you did not seem to understand this point). What went wrong was that you did it behind my back, when YOU ARE MY FRIEND. (I'm sorry I have to point that out because if it was some random girl, I wouldn't have flipped.)

I do not suspect you. I trust you do not have any cruel intentions or whatever. If I hadn't trusted you, would I give his MSN to you? What I don't think I'm getting, is the respect from you to me, as a friend. You just don't do this to your friends. After this time, I feel as if I'm nothing in your eyes.

If he and I had broken up ages ago, it probably wouldn't have mattered so much. But we got off from that bond not too long ago (when the first incident happened) and this time, you DO KNOW that we are TRYING TO PATCH THINGS UP. Yet, you have to do that.

Fine, he's now your friend. You probably have the right to hang out with him. But you decided NOT to consult me first. Sure, he doesn't belong to me. But imagine I asked that person who matters to you most, and purposely keep it away from you. How would you feel?

It's a situation where it's beyond words. The borderline is so thin that it's almost not there. But you just have to know. Plus, we've done this before, for goodness' sake. Do we really have to do it again?

Besides, when all these happened, of course I would react as such. I'm not the only person who will. You did too. You had more experiences than me. And when I react as such, it somehow seem only natural for the guy in this situation to think that I'm being irrational (not because of who the guy is but I'm meaning in general). My image in his eyes would be tarnished and distorted by these acts that both of us have equally portrayed. Is that fair for me? Do I deserved to be looked down as someone irrational and immature by the person whom I once deemed to be my other half just because of all these doings?

I felt so hurt that you not only did it again, but you also choose to ignore the path that you should take. Or maybe you really did not understand. Well then, I hope this post made it all clear to you now. If you still don't, I really do not know what else I can do. Because you should have the ability to understand this better just because you have had experiences in all these before.

By the way, asking him out for drink just so you both can talk about he and I, is a lame excuse, WHEN, you did not even ask me about MY point of view. All you asked was if we were still together. And nothing more.

You know, sometimes, it's best not to be too friendly. *shrug* Human nature.

P/s: I do want to cherish this almost 10-year of friendship that we've had. So please understand that.

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And to You, I'm disappointed cos I asked you to go somewhere the same day she plans to go out and have a drink with you. I asked you ONE WEEK before. She only needed an hour, or less. Yes, I can finally see. I'm just a second choice, regardless who the person who asked you out is.

(There's no need to give me excuses like I asked you to go to a place where you won't enjoy as much as the place she asked you to go. You put me on hold. You've admitted that IF you had nothing to do, you'd only agree on going out with me)

You can offer to pick her up from her office; when you don't even know where I work, currently or even previously; or even offer to pick me up. You've always complained my place is far. It will always be far to you, regardless where I stay.

So stop.

I'll just stay glad that you came to tell me that you've done some thinking and thought what I said was right, and apologise for being harsh towards me. Apology accepted. Thank you for finally understanding it.

But I'm done here. I'm done with everything.

And with you. =]