Conf*sed

Met up with Paul again last night for another session of tutorial. This time, for building construction. As usual, every session we have with Paul, would end up with a future cum personality forsee session :P

This time, again, I cried. But not as much as before. I just got emotional n small tears escaped from my eyes; till KC had to get tissue paper for me :P Aih...like there's anything to cry about.

Paul told me I'm a very forgetful person. Once I'm told about something, I'll forget it the next minute. And then I'll go, "You told me that??" And if I ever forget something, for instance leave something at home, I'll be like, "Oh shoot!!! I left it at home!!!" My reaction will be very big, even though it's something not so big :P I asked him to tell me more and this was what he replied, "I can tell you one long story about you but tomorrow you'd come to me and say, 'You said that??' "

Well, true, as now I don't remember most of the things he has told me. Hehe...I would remember them little by little la...or when someone reminds me about it. Right now, I only remember what he said about Heng Woon and I, my career, my future, and my parents.

I would go overseas to study; to obtain my degree after my diploma. After that, I would get a job somewhere far from Malaysia, and leave my family back here. Not that I won't care about them anymore, but I will come back to visit them and send them allowance every month. I'll just wont be by their side. Also, my brother won't come back to my parents as well. We'll both travel to some place far and work, send them allowance, and visit them when they ask or as we like. That's actually, kinda worrying. I mean, who's gonna take care of my parents? He added I'd be worrying about it now, but later, I'll just put it aside. This is in my attitude and I find it kinda true also ler :P

I will work from places to places. I like changes. Once I'm not happy with a job, I'll leave and look for a new one. In my career, I'll contribute my skills. Hmm, this part I was busy laughing about Paul mentioning 'I'll offer services'. Like what kind of services??!? [GRO probably :P] So I didn't pay much attention to what he was telling me. Hehe....:P

Woon is not my future. We won't last till I'm 25 and there's no solution to it. However, it's in my hands. Thus, I can control it. About all these I can control, there's no solution, I should let go thing is just confusing me [oh yea, he summarised me being a confused person. Confused over what I want]. Anyway, he said it was all because of one thing that we did - and that we did it before we have completed the first stage. In other words, we brought our relationship to the next level, too soon. Even before we could understand each other better, we have already brought ourselves there. And I even enjoy it [he said something before the enjoy part whc I can't recall now]. This was actually a thinking I had once long time ago; but I didn't wanted to believe it. I simply didn't want to accept it. Therefore, I didn't think about it anymore. I just told myself that I am so wrong to think that way. But until now, I'm reminded again of this thought that I had, it actually make some sense here.

We do not understand each other enough, that's true, or at least that's what I feel. Very often, we'll keep quiet during our phone calls, trying to come up with a topic. That's just so not what I expected and I don't think it's supposed to be that way. Couples should have a lot of things to talk about...but why? And when it comes to one particular thing, we have lots of opinions, ideas, and would have a lot to share amd talk about. WHY??!???!?

As a conclusion, and advice, he asked me to learn to let go. I'd be happier if I'm single again. I can have the time to hang out with my frens once again - which I have lost ever since I got myself into a relationship. Not his fault, but cos whatever I do, has to concern him. I'd have to bring him along wherever I wanna go, and whatever I do is for him.

Dunno about all this. Not like I wanna break up or let go or whatever....Well, another advice he gave me was to go with the flow and let time decide for us. Just let it be. I think I'm just gonna wait till he comes back [which I've told myself before the other times], and see what happens. Really, can I convince myself to let go?? Do I even want to?